itwasatransitionaltimeinDaniel‘slife,apassage,astepfromcollegeintotheadultworld.iwantedtoleavehimwithwordsthatwouldhavesomemeaning,somesignificancebeyondthemoment.

　　Butnothingcamefrommylips.nosoundbrokethestillnessofmybeachsidehomeonLongisland.outside,icouldheartheshrillcriesofseagullsastheycircledtheever-changingsurf.inside,istoodfrozenandquiet,lookingintothesearchingeyesofmyson.

　　whatmadeitmoredifficultwasthatiknewthiswasnotthefirsttimeihadletsuchamomentpass.whenDanielwasfive,itookhimtotheschool-busstoponhisfirstdayofkindergarten.ifeltthetensioninhishandholdingmineasthebusturnedthecorner.isawcolorflushhischeeksasthebuspulledup.Hisquestioningeyeslookedupatmine.

　　whatisitgoingtobelike,Dad?Canidoit?willibeokay?andthenhewalkedupthestepsofthebusanddisappearedinside.andthebusdroveaway.andihadsaidnothing.

　　adecadeorsolater,asimilarsceneplayeditselfout.withhismother,idrovehimtotheCollegeofwilliamandmaryinVirginia.Hisfirstnight,hewentoutwithhisnewschoolmates.whenhemetusthenextmorning,hewassick.Hewascomingdownwithmononucleosis,butwecouldnotknowthatthen.wethoughthehadahangover.

　　inhisroom,Danlaystretchedoutonhisbedasistartedtoleaveforthetriphome.itriedtothinkofsomethingtosaytogivehimsomecourageandconfidenceashestartedthisnewphaseoflife.

　　again,wordsfailedme.imumbledsomethinglike,Hopeyoufeelbetter,Dan.andileft.

　　now,asistoodbeforehim,ithoughtofthoselostopportunities.Howmanytimeshaveweallletsuchmomentspass?

　　aparentdies,and,insteadofgivingaeulogyourselves,weletaclergymanspeak.achildasksifSantaClausisreal,orwherebabiescomefrom,and,embarrassed,wesloughitoff.whenadaughtergraduatesorasonismarried,wewatchthemgothroughthemotionsoftheceremony.Butwedon‘tseekoutourchildrenandfindaquietmomenttotellthemwhattheyhavemeanttous.orwhattheymightexpecttofaceintheyearsahead.

　　Howfasttheyearshadpassed.Danielwasborninneworleans,slowtowalkandtalk,andsmallofstature.Hewasthetiniestinhisclass,buthedevelopedawarm,outgoingnatureandwaspopularwithhispeers.Hewascoordinatedandagile,andhebecameadeptinsports.

　　Baseballgavehimhisearliestchallenge.HewasanoutstandingpitcherinLittleLeague,expectingtomakeitbiginhighschool.itdidn‘thappenthatway.Hefailedtomoveupfromthejuniorvarsityteam.Buthestuckitout.eventually,asasenior,hemoveduptothevarsity.Hewonhalftheteam‘sgames.atgraduation,thecoachnamedDanieltheteam‘smostvaluableplayer.

　　Hisfinesthour,though,cameataschoolsciencefair.Heenteredanexhibitshowinghowthecirculatorysystemworks.Hesketcheditoncardboard.itwasprimitiveandcrude,especiallycomparedtothefancy,computerized,blinking-lightmodelsenteredbyotherstudents.mywife,Sara,feltembarrassedforhim.

　　itturnedoutthattheotherkidshadnotdonetheirownwork--theirparentshadmadetheirexhibits.asthejudgeswentontheirrounds,theyfoundthattheseotherkidscouldn‘tanswertheirquestions.Danielansweredeveryone.whenthejudgesawardedthealberteinsteinplaqueforthebestexhibit,theygaveittohim.

　　BythetimeDanielleftforcollegehestoodsixfeettallandweighed170pounds.Hewasmuscularandinsuperbcondition.Butheneverpitchedanotherinning.Hefoundthathecouldnotcombineathleticswithacademics.Hegaveupbaseballforenglishliterature.iwassorrythathewouldnotdevelophisathletictalent,butproudthathehadmadesuchamaturedecision.HegraduatedwithaBaverage.

　　oneday,itoldDanielthatthegreatfailinginmylifehadbeenthatididn‘ttakeayearortwoofftotravelwhenifinishedcollege.

　　thisisthebestway,tomywayofthinking,tobroadenoneselfanddevelopalargerperspectiveonlife.onceihadmarriedandbegunworking,ifoundthatthedreamoflivinginanotherculturehadvanished.

　　Danielthoughtaboutthis.HisYuppiefriendssaidthathewouldbeinsanetoputhiscareeronhold.Buthedecideditwasn‘tsocrazy.aftergraduation,heworkedasawaiter,abikemessenger,andahousepainter.withthemoneyheearned,hehadenoughtogotoparis.

　　thenightbeforehewastoleave,itossedinbed.iwastryingtofigureoutsomethingtosay.nothingcametomind.maybe,ithought,itwasn‘tnecessarytosayanything.

　　whatdoesitmatterinthecourseofalifetimeifafathernevertellsasonwhathereallythinksofhim?ButasistoodbeforeDaniel,iknewthatitdoesmatter.myfatherandilovedeachother.Yet,ialwaysregrettedneverhearinghimputhisfeelingsintowordsandneverhavingthememoryofthatmoment.

　　now,icouldfeelmypalmssweatandmythroattighten.whyisitsohardtotellasonsomethingfromtheheart?mymouthturneddry.iknewiwouldbeabletogetoutonlyafewwordsclearly.

　　Daniel,isaid,ificouldhavepicked,iwouldhavepickedyou.

　　that‘sallicouldsay.iwasn‘tsureheunderstoodwhatimeant.thenhecametowardmeandthrewhisarmsaroundme.Foramoment,theworldandallitspeoplevanished,andtherewasjustDanielandme.

　　Hewassayingsomething,butmyeyesmistedover,andicouldn‘tunderstandwhathewassaying.alliwasawareofwasthestubbleonhischinashisfacepressedagainstmine.andthen,themomentended,andDanielleftforFrance.

　　ithinkabouthimwheniwalkalongthebeachonweekends.thousandsofmilesaway,somewhereoutpasttheoceanwavesbreakingonthedesertedshore,hemightbescurryingacrossBoulevardSaintGermain,strollingthroughamustyhallwayoftheLouvre,bendinganelbowinaLeftBankcafé.

　　whatisaidtoDanielwasclumsyandtrite.itwasnothing.andyet,itwaseverything.